Speaking with Mamamia, Gillian Coote explains how setting boundaries and sticking to them is critical when dealing with a narcissistic ex.

While being in a relationship with a narcissist is difficult, leaving one is even harder, says founder and managing partner of Coote Family Lawyers, Gillian Coote. 

"True narcissists are individuals who possess an unreasonably high sense of self-importance and entitlement.  They may lack empathy and the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others and can be very manipulative and controlling." 

Divorce papers can trigger anyone to lash out in pain and anger but narcissists may unleash their most toxic behaviours at this time. 

"It’s not uncommon for people with narcissist tendencies to be extremely uncooperative, disruptive, disagreeable, and unwilling to move forward during separation.

“Some common tactics and behaviours the most difficult people use include gaslighting and provoking the other party, creating unnecessary drama, telling lies, being abusive, purposefully delaying settlements, and using the children to manipulate situations.” 

Because true narcissists lack empathy, they’ll often go to unreasonable lengths to derail a separation.

Setting boundaries and sticking to them is a critical part of effectively dealing with a narcissist. 

"This might involve restricting communication solely to topics concerning children and family, establishing guidelines for child handovers, determining the manner and frequency of communication, and specifying the times and locations for in-person interactions with your ex."

Communicating through a parenting app can also help, not only because it’s an external communication tool, but all exchanges are permanently recorded. 

"If your ex is trying to delay a settlement, the best course of action is to try to keep conflict to a minimum," says Gillian. 

"Narcissists love to argue and win at sometimes any cost, which is why getting them to agree on a financial settlement or custody arrangement can be so challenging. Be strategic in picking your battles and let them feel like they’ve won from time-to-time. Take stock of what’s most important to you and be prepared to compromise on less important things."

You can read Gillian's expert advice in Mamamia here: Kylie thought Brent cheating was the worst thing he could do. Until she left him.

If you are in need of advice and support to leave your partner, call our team of specialist family lawyers on 03 9840 0035.

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